just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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