i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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