you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
