I skipped work to stalk him.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
