i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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