How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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