I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
