Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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