Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
