We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
