Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
