everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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