I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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