covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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