you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
