like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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