Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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