Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
