I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
