It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
