let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My feet surprised me
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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