I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
send nudes
from the living room?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
