They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize