I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
