Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
