I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize