forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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