Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
