my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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