I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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