ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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