so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
