Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
As shirtless as possible
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
