just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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