It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm like, not good at living.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
