Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
