i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
