Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
