I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize