Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
