she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
