If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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