Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
