I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
