we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
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