hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize