i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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