just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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