This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
