Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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