I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
and you said cock pushups were impossible
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My vagina is officially offended.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
