My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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