whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
