The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
