Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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