I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
