Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
