I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
