So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
