it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
