it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize