my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
