My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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