Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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