All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
