Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize