brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
time to smoke my breakfast
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
