I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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