his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize