I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
