Kareoke will never be a sober sport
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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