I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
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