ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
