We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
