i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wish life had little blips of pornography
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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