Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
