he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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