I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
